“Nothing. I’m good, hun, really.”
That’s me, just over here driving my wife crazy because I don’t want her to stress out or spend money on me for Father’s Day.
Gifts? Nah…
Cards? If you don’t have time, hun, skip it.
Now cruising through my sixteenth celebration of fatherhood, I’m 100% good with receiving no gift at all. It is gift enough to sit around chilling at home, grab a relaxing breakfast together, or, to, simply, have control of the remote to watch the conclusion of the US Open on Sunday.
That’s good enough for me.
I promise.
But, while my ambiguity drives my wife nuts, I absolutely know what I DON’T WANT: anything from a local home improvement center!
No, nothing from Lowe’s, skip the trip to Home Depot, and Ace is NOT the place for us on Father’s Day. Nope, nothing draped in Home Depot orange, Lowe’s blue, or Ace red. No new weed-wacker, no fancy new mower, no replacement tape measure, no landscape edging, no mulch, and no new flowers.
No, no, no.
Yes, I might need these items. And, yes, I would be (eventually) grateful to have any of them – just not on Father’s Day, please.
Under no circumstances should I be reminded of my stagnant (and growing) “honey-do” list packaged as a sweet, pragmatic Father’s Day present. I’m smarter than to fall for that trick!
I know the flowers need freshening up and our ragged, old mower cuts like a drunken hair stylist fresh out of beauty school. I realize that I have lost every (damn) tape measure that I’ve ever owned (but blamed the kids). I am aware that all of these traditionally masculine items are currently on sale. But, most of all, I know these gifts are a “you-have-work-to-do” trap under the guise of a hobby that benefits everyone except me.
Nope, home improvement on Father’s Day is a hard pass for me.
I’m back to my initial “ask” for nothing.
If I were romantic I’d say this differently, like, “I am fulfilled simply being in your presence, hun.”
If I were funny I’d quip, “Is forbidding the teens to talk to me all day considered a gift?”
Or, if I have my way I’d remark, “Let’s just hang out as a family for the day! Don’t worry about picking up a card or gift.”
I not being snide, I mean it.
I mean it as much as I don’t want the new mower that I need, or that I know I will lose the new tape measure July 4th (and blame the kids).
I’m good with nothing – which means I’m damn lucky.
I mean it.
Happy Father’s Day to all!
