HOCO Proposal – NO, NO, NO!

Maybe it’s the 15-year-old me – the pudgy, short, “just a friend” type of high school freshman boy that hates seeing these choreographed Homecoming Dance “proposals” all over my socials.

You know the viral videos – the football player whose friends hold up a big “HOCO?” sign in front of the student section after the big win, or the cute props that bring life to a poster board with a witty tag line (ie: will you be my “Chick” dressed as the cow mascot) that references something special about the young lady being asked for a date.

Sure, the online videos and pics can be adorable.

The creativity these high schoolers are displaying is commendable.

HOCO proposals that dot the social media of many of my fellow parents are cute to see, but there is a piece of me that hurts at the sight of every poster board, each flower bouquet, and all of these smiling couples.

I ache for the kid that might not have the confidence to do such a thing in the face uncertainty and potential public humiliation.

I hurt for the kids that can actually summon the confidence to choreograph something creative and arrange for his buddy to video the event from the perfect angle, only to be told “maybe”, “not sure”, or flat out “no” in front of an audience of classmates (likely with phones out).

Ouch.

What about the girl who is unexpectedly approached by a classmate that she isn’t familiar with? After being showered with a lavish proposal, would she be awful to decline? If she refutes the proposal, is she a b*tch?

Yikes.

These plans take time, effort, and (in most cases) money. This tells me that there are kids who won’t be planning any proposal to HOCO, not because of a lack of confidence, but due embarrassment of not having the financial resources to pull off something as grand as their friends might have.

Going to the dance is expensive enough, now kids have to figure out how to fund the act of asking for a date in the first place?

What about the kids that aren’t asked at all? The psychology of anticipating a proposal only to be let down by it’s absence has to be tough for even the strongest of our high school sons and daughters. Today, if there isn’t a video of the proposal, they’ve been shunned in the eyes of their classmates.

My son, a high school junior, is in a relationship with a (fantastic) young lady that he’s over the moon for. He is devoting energy to craft a plan for his HOCO proposal moment instead of preparing for the SAT? They know they are going together already – the whole school does!

Huh?

We must apply the brakes to this non-sense before it gets (more) out of control.

The answer, for me, is for parents to come together in solidarity around one principle:

No “proposals” for anything other than Senior Prom (that’s correct, Seniors only).

Let’s save the viral videos for once-in-a-lifetime high school happenings. For dances/events that happen each year, it is just too much.

There is no downside to limited “proposals” – parents and kids still have the photo opportunities, we still get to see our young adults dressed up, kids can update their Insta stories, and, alas, we still force our high schoolers to ask a vulnerable question with an uncertain resolution (hopefully) face-to-face.

We skip the choreographed TicTok orchestration.

Gone is the pressure of mediocracy or drab creativity or locking into a commitment because someone felt badly being honest by saying “no.”

Enough.

The 40-something and 15-year-old me beg you.