It’s Sunday morning at 8 am at a soccer complex in Florida that stretches as far as the eye can see.
Everett, my 8-year-old, is taking the soccer pitch with a birth in the tournament’s final on the line. He wants so badly to win and earn a spot in the 4 pm finals. I, however, feel differently and slump in my seat on the sidelines.
“Looks like the winner of this one moves on,” a fellow dad from another team chuckles, positioning his chair a few feet away.
I laugh back and reply, “I guess so. But, haven’t you heard of the cheer of the tired parent?”
The dad’s confused looked compelled me to further explain, “Yeah. The cheer goes: ‘Have fun, play hard, and lose barely.'”
We both laughed in hysterics, realizing our shared (but competing) interest in having our boys miss the finals in favor of some rest and a family meal on Sunday evening.
Do you ever feel the same?
I have made mention of the tired parent cheer before to a less-than-receptive response. This typically is disguised as a comment like: ‘What do you mean? You’re actually cheering for the team to lose?’, capped off by a shocked expression.
Let me explain.
Just because I’d trade a meaningless soccer trophy for a Sunday barbeque at home doesn’t mean that I don’t love and support my little baller. Everett attends every game, all the practices, we encourage him to practice at home, and we outwardly root for the team’s success at all competitions. I don’t, though, hide from the fact that this commitment is not the highlight of our weekend.
And, in my opinion, that stance is perfectly healthy. I actually believe that such a disposition by parents helps our children place their athletic endeavors in the appropriate spot in their pecking order of priorities.
From my seat, far too often the relative importance given to our kids’ non-academic pursuits is way, way, way too high. Tangible examples you might identify with include:
- Pulling our athletes from school for team commitments
- Parents sharing the same level of heartache over losses as their kids do
- Family dinners are assumed not to happen unless there is a mid-week rainout
- Kids’ activities become a source of household debt and/or most spousal disagreements
Chances are, even if you’ve since come to your senses, we have all found ourselves neck-deep in responsibilities simply because we want our kids to play. I’m as guilty as anyone.
After sharing my “Have fun, play hard, lose barely” cheer with that likeminded other dad on the sidelines that morning, we both felt better, more connected, and laughed about the chore we’ve created by signing up our kids for an activity they love. There seemed to be a strange comradery in our shared understanding of being willingly over-committed.
As it turned out that day, I’d be going home while his son’s team would be competing for the title at 4 pm.
I nodded and turned to that dad, now consoling Everett on the hard fought loss, “Good luck this afternoon.”
“Thanks,” he smirked and cheered toward his approaching son.
“Now that you’ve made it, the tired parent cheer changes, you know,” I quipped, “Yeah – drop the lose barely part. Go get ’em.”
Everett’s tears soon dried.
His homework was completed in time to practice a few 1v1 soccer moves in the back yard.
The entire family sat at the dinner table at 6 pm that night.
For once, our pecking order seemed correct: family, school, soccer. All because Everett subconsciously obeyed the cheer of the tired parent: “Have fun, play hard, and lose barely”.
