I’ve been on all sides of a blowout – as a parent, participant, coach and as a game official.
No matter which sideline you’re standing on, there is nothing worse than watching a team pummeled repeatedly. I was reminded of this over the weekend.
On Saturday, my son’s soccer team scored six goals during the first five minutes of their match en route to a 17-0 victory. It was an ugly game all around and, frankly, could have been 30-0 if the field was shorter and the temperatures would have dipped below “surface of the sun” levels.
I was on the winning side this time but wasn’t as lucky a few years prior.
That time, my team of 7 year-old girls lost a championship soccer match 12-0. There was nothing we could do to slow the un-slot and, just like my son’s game, the final score could have been far worse.
In either case, I was conflicted about how to act, whether to cheer and how to talk to my kids about the outcome.
After some thought, I’ve centered on five aspects of a blowout that are important to think about as our little stars score again (and again, and again).
Rule 1: The rules of the game shouldn’t change.
The only thing worse than getting throttled by a superior opponent is having that opponent “take it easy on your team” once your inferiority is obvious. If one team, no matter the sports, starts to run away to a certain victory, I hate the changing of rules in attempt to balance the contest. That kind of manufactured pride is insulting to all participants.
You might recognize attempts at rule changing as: adding players to a side in soccer (or taking players off), mandating a certain number of non-scoring plays from the winning team or instituting a relative advantage (or disadvantage) for one side.
Not only do changes the rules of any game take away from everything the kids have practiced, the actions create a “poor me” attitude that works in opposition to becoming a competitor.
Rule 2: Cheering for your team is fine.
Spectators are left in a precarious position during these lopsided affairs. I felt odd in cheering on the soccer sideline on Saturday and I got the impression that others were feeling similarly, too.
To me, it is ALWAYS okay to cheer for your team or kids. There is nothing wrong with applauding your kid for making a three-pointer, no matter what the score is. Cheering for your kids, though, does not mean blatantly instructing them to pile on unnecessarily or reeling them in a bit if they are close to a tipping point.
Rule 3: Officials exist ONLY for player safety.
For some extra money, I used to referee middle school basketball games. In one such game, the score at halftime was 34-0. Yes, one team hadn’t made a shot during the first thirty minutes of play.
When the teams resurfaced from the locker room after halftime, I called the coaches over, explaining, “My whistle will only blow if a player’s safety is in jeopardy. That’s it – nothing else.”
In a decidedly one-sided game, the referees no longer are the defenders of the game’s rules, they are guardians of the participants’ next match and the watchman that allows the time to continuously run.
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In soccer, the off-sides threshold should expand – keep the side judge flags down.
In football, a jumpy line is no longer grounds for a false start flag and a five yard penalty.
Swallowing the whistle does not mean the games is now a lawless mess. It means that the penalties associated with the offenses are temporarily (and conveniently) forgiven.
Good officials should still pull a player aside and tell them they’ve done wrong, but not so via a flag, yellow card or mandatory trip to the penalty box.
If safety is questionable – then, by all means, call the penalty.
Rule 4: Blowouts can tell you A LOT about your coach
Be sure to take the time to notice of your coach during a blowout.
Does your coach quit coaching?
On the losing side this means having head-in-hands, slumped over and not issuing instruction to the players.
The winning coach who quits often sits back, chest bulged in pride, frequently glancing at their watch as their team cruises to the finish.
Even if the score is ridiculously lopsided, good coaches continue to coach. Sure, I don’t want my coach to full court press or to encourage my son to slide-tackle the other team, but there are still opportunities to help the kids on either side.
I’d argue that how you see your coach act during a lopsided match is more reflective than how they manage any pressure-packed contest.
Rule 5: No one wins, everyone should know it.
There are no grand lessons to learn from a blowout – in victory or loss. Sure, kids can practice sportsmanship and exude humility – but no adult would point to a whooping they took as the jet fuel that propelled them to future success.
So, before your kid mentions their 10 goals or 45 points, help them understand that they might be on the other side one day and, while you’re proud of them, there is a ton of work to do to get better.
Blowouts are “just one of those things” that will happen – and, I fear, with a greater degree of frequency as more pay-for-play businesses disguised as youth sports leagues pop up.
Prepare yourself, your kids and your coaches. Set the expectations of what should be happening when you find your team on either side.
Before, during and after a blowout, please, don’t blow it.
