35%. Yes, 35%.
That was my son’s first math test grade of this school year.
But, I’m told, there is nothing to worry about. After all, he already retook the exam and is expecting a far high grade this time around. Whew!
I shouldn’t have freaked out in the first place. At the recent Open House, in fact, his teacher commented, “Don’t worry if your kid bombs a test, they can always retake them. And, a little secret, the retakes are the same questions – just different numbers.”
For now, my son’s middle school math grade is savaged. Thankfully, I’m on to my next parenting crisis – my daugther earning a lead part in the elementary school play.
Vivi, my 5th grader, has prepared the first twenty seconds of a Greatest Showman tune for her upcoming play try-out. She’s nervous – and I like that she is. I’ve learned a ton about myself in times that initially made me most nervous.
But, as my pride brims for my little, stressed out, aspiring thespian, Vivi suddenly seems Zen. She assures me, “Dad, I’m okay now. If we mess up on stage, we can redo our song next week.”
Again, parenting crisis averted.
Kids fine.
My life moves on and the retake culture remains alive and well – in our schools and in my home. Whether in math class or at a tryout, no matter grade level, no matter where you live, the retake culture is festering in our children – and I’m concerned.
I’ll stop short of dictatorially demanding that retakes should never exist for any test or under any circumstances in activities. There are solid reasons for redo’s – sickness, unavoidable distractions (a fire alarm during the test) or general confusion that is no fault of the student/athlete (ie: the syllabus says the test is tomorrow).
I can’t think of any others and, I guess, that is because these are exceptions. Retakes, though, are no longer exceptions – they are part of our expectations, scheduled for and welcomed to help avoid household crises.
Let me clarify my concern.
I don’t care that retakes will inflate grades. I won’t put much stock into an elementary A, or a middle school B.
I don’t even care so much that this retake culture will provide a rude awakening for students in the “real” world. After all, to “pivot” has become a business buzzword that implies reacting to a mistake. If you listen to any Wall Street talk, business “pivot” after poor performances all of the time. We all love a comeback story.
No, I’m more concerned that the expectation of retakes will ultimately numb our children of all emotion – both good and bad.
Hear me out, step by step, using my daughter’s play try out as an example:
- Vivi doesn’t opine over her song choice as much. Her criteria is simple – she should know the words.
- Understanding that she knows the song well enough, she won’t put pressure on herself to master the tempo to avoid the inevitable hurry on stage.
- Vivi will still be nervous about singing in the presence of her classmates, however, there will be fewer nervous butterflies in the pit of her stomach as she waits for the spotlight.
- There will be no sigh of relief when the try out is over. Vivi knows that, even if she nailed it, everyone else will redo their songs so she will, too.
- The numb continues in this retake culture even if my daughter gets the part she’s aiming for. Sure, Vivi’s stoked for having landed a speaking role, but there is less euphoria for having done so over a longer haul and after being given multiple attempts to get it right.
I don’t know how to unwind this retake culture.
I do, however, know my ambivalence is perpetuating the problem – proven by losing my mind when my son brings home a 35% math test and being partially vindicated by a 85% second try.
The numb is spreading and, unfortunately, flattening the peaks and raising the valleys for our kids – allowing them to walk in a straight line, without fear of stumbling as they peer at Instagram and long for the excitement that only a new “like” may bring.
