***My eldest son, Yosef, left for Army Basic Training in October. This series documents my parenting experience through his nearly three months away from home. Please note: this series is not affiliated with the U.S. Army National Guard in any way, all observations and opinions are my own. ***
By this time, we have settled into a military-like routine.
For the last four Sundays, Yosef has called home to chat for thirty minutes. Mind you, these calls are EXACTLY thirty minutes – at which point we hear a bunch of commotion, yelling, and commands being levied before Yosef hurries off. It is never enough time. The calls have come at all different times each Sunday – noon, 2 pm, and at 7:30 pm in one case. There is no planning for when they might come in so I keep my phone at max ringtone on most Sundays now.
While Yosef has had “phone time” each week, it is not guaranteed to your soldier – they earn it through successful completion of work for the week. We haven’t missed a week yet and hope that continues into the early holiday season.
There also seems to, at this point, be a cadence of letters flowing between us and our son.
The act of writing to Yosef each day and sending them each week has really helped the time pass. He tells me that the mail is his way to spend the fleeting personal time they get before bed each night. Most of the time I’m not writing to him about anything important – just things happening around the house, updates about siblings, and ribbing him about his college football team losing.
Last time we spoke, Yosef said it is nice to read these letters to feel like there is normalcy happening outside of Basic Training. We’ve sent family pictures and had our other kids draw pictures for him as well. Yosef tells me that he has a folder of everything he’s received. Everett, Yosef’s 12-year-old brother and golfing buddy, sent him an adorable note about “protecting his 3-wood” from his brother and even attached a recent scorecard to show his big brother that he’s continuing to practice despite Yosef not being here.
Now, a month in, this is your normalcy as a new military family. We cherish our quick calls each week and comb the battalion’s Facebook for pictures (note: they rarely post).
During our time together, we make sure to do a couple things to maximize our time:
- Try to gather as many of us around to say “hello” and that “we miss him.” Each of our kids gets a few moments to say hi, but they know efficiency is key and time is short.
- During the week, I try to list out things I need to talk to Yosef about. These range from charges processing on his bank account to logistics around his graduation dates to any obligations he might have.
- We intentionally check in on Yosef’s mental and physical health during each call. I try to stay away from “How are you?” type of questions and do a short, open-ended version that allows him the freedom to take it anywhere. We’ve been fortunate that his experience to date has been good. So far, we have not experienced him breaking down or telling us he wants to come home. I do try to stay ready for anything that might come up.
- I keep tabs on the time and do a three minute wrap up. The abrupt ending to these calls can be frustrating at first. Now, I try to do a time-check with Yosef three minutes before I know he’ll get called back in. I check in to see if there is anything left that needs to be said with the three minutes remaining. This helps make sure you can have a proper ending and time to say goodbyes.
As well as Yosef seems to be doing, as a parent, I do hear that he longs for home in his voice. And, rest assured, your SIT will be counting down the days to move on from Army Basic Training as well. These calls are bittersweet because they are a reminder of how far your loved one is from home.
As we parted last week, Yosef commented, “a month down!” So, he is keenly aware of how much longer he has at Fort Leonard Wood and looking forward to turning the page.
Four weeks ago I did not know what a “new normal” would be. Today, it seems that we’ve settled in. But, as with most time in parenting, I’m readying for the shift in plans or sudden movement that tend always to upend the status quo.
For now, though, I need to buy more stamps to send another batch of letters because my 9-year-old daughter, Emersyn, wants to send Yosef her perfect report card. 🙂
