Like Iowa fans watching the conclusion to the NCAA Woman’s National Championship game, I could have done without LSU star Angel Reese’s taunting of Iowa’s iconic, Caitlin Clark. Say what you want about who was wrong, if the actions were “#classless”, or if the tit-for-trash-talking-tat between the game’s marquee ballers was over the line. The ship has sailed arguing about that.
The real lesson is that our young people obviously do not know how to appropriate talk (or receive) sh*t talk. In the world of personal branding, let’s save the kids together.
We have to stop his garbage modern era trash talking and teach the lessons of really talking sh*t – like Spike Lee and Reggie Miller used to, like Scottie Pippen telling Karl Malone the “mailman doesn’t deliver on Sunday’s” before he shoots a critical free throw in the NBA Finals, like Tom Brady screaming in the face of a lineman who went too low for his liking as his receiver scores.
That’s all good stuff and adheres to three simple rules that should govern all talking sh*t:
Sh*t Talking Rule #1: No Spouses, Dads, Moms, Grandmas, Cousins, etc.
There is no more direct way for trash talking to escalate into a physical altercation than going after a competitor’s family. Talking trash to/about someone’s family – especially a physical feature of a close acquaintance – is a BIG no-no.
Yes, I might have been easy to rib Shawn Kemp about having 8 kids with 6 women (estimate?) back in the day, but that is below the belt (dad joke).
Trash talking should be kept to a broke jump shot, errant pass to a wide open receiver, or a swing and miss at the plate.
Sh*t Talking Rule #2: Live Action Only
A masterful trash talker only does so during the game – not when protected by a team huddle, not from the bench, not into a microphone at a presser, not well after a stoppage of play. After all, good back-and-forth does not intend to cause a fight where back-up is needed.
If the sh*t talking is focused on something on the court (see remember Rule #1 above), then mocking the competition must take place as the game unfolds live (or within a few seconds of a stoppage).
Adhering to this rule means that triumphantly throwing up three fingers after splashing a 30-foot jumper is as fine as “you can’t see me” hand motions after an “and 1.” Those motions do not adhere to the rules of trash talk when they extend past (about) five seconds of a stopped clock or break in the action – that’s just weak sh*t.
Sh*t Talking Rule #3: Mind the Handshake Line
Finally, the biggest rule of all, is that the greatest end to a sh*t talking session is standing before your competitor post-game and shaking their hand. The ending handshake line, or dab at half court, or acknowledge of a fierce competition is the essence of sports and the mature culmination of any stellar period of smack talk.
Note: this takes gumption and maturity, but has to be an absolute with young people.
It is on us to emphasize these rules as our kids take the field of play.
So, if you joined my family (and 9M other viewers) in watching LSU (and the officials:) outlast my Iowa Hawkeyes on Sunday, your kids witnessed a bunch of sh*t talk by competitors – some permissible by the rules I’ve set forth above, others not so much.
All in all, though, don’t we need not focus on determining the villains or victims, we should help our kids understand they’ll be either on the field one day if they play any game long enough.
So, kids, by all means, put up the three-pointer sign as you run back on defense, celebrate a goal like Ronaldo in the corner, take a slow trot around the bases after a deep homerun to center, and, even, feel free to point at your ring finger as the championship game winds down.
Be proud, be energetic, be fiercely competitive.
Just don’t go after someone’s obnoxious sideline mom, after time has run out, before skipping the “good game” line. That is not good sh*t (talking).
