One of my first Christmas’ with my in-laws had me SHOCKED by something that had become normal in their family: their older kids picking out their own holiday gifts.
Huh?
What about the element of surprise?
What about the fun of trying to hunt through crowded stores to find the perfect gift?
As a twenty-something (non-parent), this didn’t seem right. Now, though, as a parent of three teens, we are doing (virtually) the same thing! At worst I’m a hypocrite, and at best, I’ve come full-circle.
Justification of letting my teens select their Christmas gifts is centered around two facts:
- Guessing styles of a teenager is recipe for FAILURE for any parent. Not only are each of my teens into different things, their styles tend to change rapidly. My daughter will wear sweatpants one day, leggings the next, then complain she has no jeans on Friday. Yosef, my oldest, tends to order gear on his own, with money he’s earned, from YouTubers that I have never heard of (save the parenting judgement). I’m lost.
- Teens SUCK at telling parents they don’t like a gift. The only way a parent of teenagers knows if their son or daughter likes a gift is if they use (or wear) it immediately. My kids are great at beaming smiles when they open their gifts. Their faces light up even if they are less than thrilled at the brand, color, size, etc. Teens are in the infancy of learning how to provide honest feedback so I do not expect it at Christmas. If they don’t like it, the gift will be tucked away and your money will have been wasted without you even realizing it!
There is a part of me, though, that still feels icky about my teens knowing all of their presents under the tree. After all, a Christmas without anticipation and excitement is no holiday at all.
The solution is simple: the teens tell us items, brands, stores, and sizes. We do the buying, wrapping, and 100% of the work on stocking stuffers.
For example: Vivi is a big fan of sweatpants from PacSun. While she may believe a pair to be under the tree, she isn’t 100% and would not be privy to the color we bought.
Quick note: If your family chooses to employ a similar strategy, make sure kids aren’t in charge of bringing online purchases in from the doorstep! This will ruin any shred of surprise that remains.
So, now that I have become complacent in further muting of the Christmas spirit in my teens, I am finding other ways for them to help fortify the belief of their younger siblings, like:
- My teens are the delegated “Elf on a Shelf” movers each night.
- My teens help wrap gifts for others (as long as they are sworn to secrecy).
- I can use my teens for information about their teen brothers and sisters. (“Hey Vivi, are these shoes the ones that Yosef wanted?”)
- My teens can help me shop for gifts for their mom. BOOM!
- The oldest kids often lead our holiday baking disaster – I mean extravaganza.
My teenagers Christmas spirit is not lost – it has changed.
Yes, I’ve come around to an idea that I used to poo-poo: my teens are generally aware of the gifts you’ll receive on Christmas morning. They, after all, are the only household experts on what they like and need. And, contrary to my former belief, that does not diminish their holiday experience so much they aren’t as full of excitement and anticipation when they unwrap their new shoes, shirts, or sports gear on the big day.
I should admit (begrudgingly) that my in-laws were on to something – the holidays just hit differently with teens, I guess.
Sure, my teenagers will not be completely surprised by their gifts this Christmas. They will, though, be pretty damned excited to get what they wanted.
