10 Minivan Musts of a Family Road Trip

As my troop readies for a cross-country trek, I am in full preparation mode.

Most important to flawless execution of a couple weeks of very close knit family fun is adherence to 10 minivan-ing musts.

Thou shall start before dawn
- We always begin the journey overnight. Who wants to waste daylight on the unending interstate? A good rule of thumb for departure time: work backwards from planning to arrive at your destination at 11 am. This is the perfect distance before the weary kids get growly after a breakfast stop around 8 am.
Thou shall pack a cooler
- Rather than paying inflated prices and staving off the onslaught of requests for Snickers bars and slushees at the convenience store, a small cooler full of drinks and snacks will save you time and, as importantly, money along the way.
Thou shall NOT allow the kids (or spouse) to help pack the minivan
- There is an art to loading the van – an art that cannot be duplicated by any one in the family other than dad. The kids can help bring the luggage to the van, but NO ONE should be placing anything inside other than the dad. Yes dads, a trunk selfie is perfectly acceptable to show off your perfect Tetris of luggage in the trunk.
Thou shall go to the bathroom at every stop
- No matter the time, no matter if the kids have to go or not, they must try. There is nothing worse than one passenger that doesn’t have to go realizing they do thirty miles after you’ve just stopped. Everyone out and to the bathroom at every stop.
Thou shall only use gas stations on the right
- Unless the minivan is set to run out of gas, finding a gas station (preferably a Buc-ee’s, Love’s, or Pilot) within 0.2 miles of the exit, on the right side of the road is a necessity. Nothing derails a trip like exiting, turning left, passing back under the road for which your traveling to fill up the tank a mile down the road.
Thou shall fill the tank at each stop
- After stopping according to #5, the tank is to be filled each and every time. If you’re on 3/4 full – fill it. Topping it off each time as you file the kids out to use the bathroom (#4) is a solid use of a few minutes of quiet time. With gas prices, filling an almost full tank feels like a deal.
Thou shall crack the window after a fart
- A “no farting in the car” rule is impossible. The next best thing, though, is mandating that any farts (silent or loud) are met with opening an adjacent window a few inches for several miles. Now, most minivans’ back windows are immovable so strategic seating arrangements could be necessary for your kid most prone to passing gas.
Thou shall suspend all screen time rules in route
- The nostalgic idea of spending the hours on the road in conversation with the kids is not realistic. In fact, a long trip is an opportune time to reconnect to your spouse as the kids sink deep into the blue lights of their phones and iPads. There are no screen time limitations in the van – in fact, you can use that as leverage for shutting down the devices after you reach your destination.
Thou shall not stop at a hotel without free breakfast
- If you must make the decision to pull off the road to get some rest (ugh), there is only one real way to select a roadside hotel: does it serve a free continental breakfast? For a large family, those rubbery eggs, sausage links, bagels, packaged cinnamon rolls, and refillable apple juice machines provide a valuable kick start to the day. If the hotel has a waffle machine and/or pancake maker – bonus!
Thou shall beat the GPS estimated arrival time
- I tend to look at directions before the trip and then head out. My wife, though, ALWAYS has Google Maps fired up, as if to taunt my ability to reach our destination within a normal timeframe. Well, I’m not normal. For the entirety of the trip, the GPS and I are racing – and if not for #4 and #6, I generally am victorious.