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WTR (What’s Toby Reading)? provides unsolicited and unsponsored (I don’t get paid) opinions of books I have recently finished.
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My wife, a graduate student, gave me Lori Gottlieb’s Maybe You Should Talk to Someone after she’d finished it for a class.
“Come on, honey,” I belly-ached, “Not another book about how to be in a better mood! I told you, I’m fine – just tired.”
“Just read it. It is a great book.” she smirked.
She was right (as usual).
Part Memoir – the Author as a Character
Author Lori Gottlieb is an active part of the book – there is much about her own life to talk about. A former TV writer, former Stanford medical student, and current therapist, Gottlieb seeks therapy after a sudden breakup with a boyfriend she’d hope to spend her life with.
By including her own story, Gottlieb becomes gloriously more real – more human, more like the rest of us. She is transformed from a therapist to a person – someone that carries the same baggage as the people she sees in her office each day. Gottlieb is a mess during her therapy, but composed for her clients – encouraging for any of us that endeavor to consistently (at least outwardly) keep our composure through a chaotic existence.
Not only do we learn about Gottlieb during her sessions, the fact that a professional therapist seeks therapy feels empowering for many of us that might otherwise consider using therapy for people who are really messed up.
The Characters (a.k.a. The Patients)
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone walks through the lives of a handful of Gottlieb’s patients. I made particular note of two.
Patient Story #1: John
Everyone is an “idiot” to John – his coworkers, his family, and, even, Gottlieb herself. I’d describe John as a hard charger, an extreme workaholic type that scrambles to meet every demand placed on him through a life filled with self-induced misery. John is portrayed as abrupt (if not rude) and impenetrable executive type, sees a therapist for on-going marital issues.
As John’s therapy unfolds, I actually came to like, respect, and identify with him. Gottlieb chips away at John’s icy demeanor one session at a time to the point where I, eventually, found myself rooting for him.
Patient Story #2: Julie
When my wife read the book, she cried through the last thirty (ish) pages. When I read Julie’s story, I knew why. It is heart-breaking. Gottlieb details therapy sessions with Julie, a young woman dying of cancer. But, Julie is spunky and irreverent. We learn that she’s organizing her own funeral, writing her own eulogy, and furnishing tissues with the saying, “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to” on them for her celebration of death.
Julie’s story is wrenching, but full of perspective for the reader – about the fragility of life, the freedom of being unencumbered, and relative good fortune that most of us take for granted each day.
There are several other patients (or characters) in the book. Your favorite may be different than mine. For whatever it is worth, I think my wife fell in love with John.
Advice for Therapist (and us, too)
There are times Maybe You Should See Someone provides pragmatic advice for people like my wife – those aiming to work in a field that will employ these therapeutic strategies with real-life patients. The book makes mention of lessons for aspiring clinicians, like:
- harnessing personal biases during sessions,
- shying away from providing a solution to what ails a patient,
- what to do if a patient thinks they are in love with the therapist, and
- how to navigate seeing patients in personal settings (like Jane’s funeral or in passing at an ice cream shop).
The book also aptly describes the professional outlets required for therapist to share best practices regarding patient care.
Even if you’re not on the path to becoming a therapist (like me), the book provides many life lessons we all might be wise to heed. The most poignant learning, for me, involves a cartoon that is described in the book (maybe even twice in the book) – a caricature of an imprisoned man. The man is violently shaking the bars of his jail cell while refusing to acknowledge the vast openings on either side of where he’s standing.
My lasting impression of Lori Gottlieb’s bestseller, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, will be that cartoon. I shut the book thinking about the numerous times where I am the animated character – feverously shaking the bars. I’m hopeful that the next time, I’ll go through the open exits.
