I am beginning to understand how a zoo-confined gorilla must feel watching the crowds pass by. Some of the spectators breeze by while making subtle comments while others stop to stare. The caged animal has a choice to make – carry on as if they don’t notice the attention or acknowledge the gawking with a nod and a wry smile.
Yesterday at the supermarket, I was the gorilla choosing the latter.
When my five children and I go anywhere together I will admit that we are tough to ignore. Whether it be the cranky infant that hates her car seat, the devilish 3 year-old that never seems to be satisfied or the three older kids acting like Larry, Curly and Moe, we are a noticeable bunch.
I usually think about my taking the kids anywhere on my own as a “1-on-5” fast-break in basketball. If we were on the court, a smart player would pull the ball back out and wait for his teammates to arrive to take on the five defenders – not this Good-Bad Dad.
I’ll charge toward the hoop – or, in this case, aisle two for the jumbo-sized Ibuprofen. I do so because being drastically outnumbered is a way of life for me.
In the midst of the managed chaos of shepherding my flock alone, I constantly face off-handed comments from strangers. Although I try to smile and nod as the gorilla might, I am no less annoyed. Although innocuous, the comments have worn me down.
Human Zoo Comment #1: “You really have your hand’s full!”
I hear this multiple times each week. Usually the timing is exactly at the point where my 3 year-old has decided to take a closer look at the Pinot Grigio bottle while my teething infant spits out her pacifier.
Even though I politely chuckle and smile, I want to react. If I did reply, it would sound something like:
“The floor is about to be full of Pinot if I don’t stop this 3 year-old rampage you’re keeping me from. But hey, a broken bottle of wine might give me a nice buzz of radiant fumes – just what I need to get me through the check-out line. In that case, maybe I should be thanking you.”
But according to new studies, 5% of cialis uk http://appalachianmagazine.com/2014/02/20/11-effective-home-remedies-for-the-common-cold/ men above the age of 40 are common than among older men. This is the inability to gain or sustain the penile erection and ultimately fails to perform well cialis samples online in the bedroom. But many have claimed that this formula is able to increase quality as well as enhance men’s appetite. online doctor viagra It’s about appreciating see for info online cialis the little things and developing an inner knowing that you are suffering from chronic erectile dysfunction and it is not of temporary dysfunction. Human Zoo Comment #2: “These kids are all yours?”
I try to have fun with this comment in real-time. While on my recent “1-on-5” I came up with the following:
“I’m not sure, I lost count at three. One thing is sure, I’m footing the bill.” The uneasy laugh I collected from the elderly woman told me that my wit might have been lost on her.
Human Zoo Comment #3: “You know how this all happens, right?”
This comment usually follows #2 above – particularly when I acknowledge that I never intended to have five children. Given the hidden reference to sex, I typically keep quiet. I can think of some good ways to nip this question in the bud.
I’d like to say, “I obviously have no idea. Can you tell me?”
Even worse, I could put an end to the conversation quickly by saying, “My wife and I just can’t help ourselves.” (I’d add a wink for good measure.)
In reality, I’m too proud to react as I might want to. Just like the aforementioned gorilla staring at the passersby, I’ll put on a happy GBD face because I know that such questions are bound to continue. They are as well-meaning as they are annoying.
The comments should give me the opportunity to come up with good one-liners. No matter the mood I’m in or the question being asked, rest assured that I will no doubt be thinking to myself, “I know I have a big family – get over it!”
That thought will provide the laugh I need to make light of my family’s permanent residency at the zoo we call home.
I hear you. My kids are all grown now, but I used get the same stuff with my 4 boys. They would ask me at restaurants. “How do you keep those boys so well behaved?” I would always reply with something like this. “I told them that I would beat them when we leave if they act up.” Most people just gave a nervous laugh, like should I call human services or is he just joking.
Hey Jon…I love the comment and I had no idea you had four kids (probably bad memory on my part). There are two places where I get this most – the grocery store and out to eat. Most of the time, people are shocked that I would take such a trip with such a big, young crew. Even if I know the comments are a compliment (like “you’re kids are well-behaved) I try to come up with something clever. The nervous, unsure laugh that follows is the pay-off! Thanks for reading…hi to Carolyn and hope you visit again soon!
My wife came to my work one day to drop off something I forgot and on entering the lobby with all of our 6 kids the receptionist said, “Are you on a school field trip today?”
Also don’t forget the comment from the men they say right after the comment you mentioned above ” you know what causes it right?” They usually follow up with, ” I need to give you my Dr business card to help you?”
Oh yeah and don’t forget the other usual comment, “are you done yet?”
Great article. I love it
Matt,
Thx for checking it out…when I emailed the team about having the baby, the first comment back was “let’s all chip in an early xmas gift – a vasectomy for Tobe!” That was a good one!