LOL Dolls: a profiteer’s dream, a parent’s nightmare

As the the presents under the tree become the dust collectors in our children’s closets, I try to be a good sport. I wouldn’t make mention of the Goodwill trips of boxes brimming of old holiday gifts. I rarely make much fuss over the staying within the allotted gift budget for our kids.

I can no longer, though, hide my disdain for one line of figurine toys that has captivated my five year-old daughter, Emersyn: L.O.L. Surprise! Dolls.

The dolls, which I would describe as a younger, hipper, little person version of a Barbie, are a toy-makers dream and my own parenting nightmare. Based on their soaring popularity, I wonder if other parents feel the same.

In 2019, the New York Times reported that MGA Entertainment expected to generate over $5 billion from the sale of their wildly popular pint-sized captors of my little girl’s eye. The commercial success of the dolls seem like a win-win for profiteer’s and parents. After all, most figures are offered at an affordable price (between $10 and $30 apiece).

So, why do I hate L.O.L. Dolls?

I have no issue with the concept of the dolls. I’m fine with the Rockstar like looks of the little creatures, their obnoxious hair dye, or the idea of only female characters. The dolls, in fact, exude a rebellious look that I enjoy my daughter taking in.

To illustrate my Scrooge-y disposition to L.O.L., allow me to re-brand the dolls using their popular acronym (L.O.L), in line with those features I loathe most:

Loads of Litter

I surmise that the appeal of L.O.L. Dolls begins with a child’s ability to open up numerous “surprises” within one packaged sphere. Each package houses a doll, accessories, pets, brushes, shoes wrapped separately. My daughter loves the idea of endlessly opening these treasures.

Rest assured, though, the only sound that exceeded the number of joyous squeals from my daughter on Christmas morning, was the crunching of the plastic pile of garbage I created on the floor as a result of her relentless opening of each, miniature plastic treat. While my kids and the creators of L.O.L’s are smiling, Mother Nature is certainly entertained by the amount of plastic heading toward the landfill.

Lost or Left

Simply by virtue of their size, buying L.O.L. Surprise Dolls is akin to giving my daughter Lite-Brite pegs with no display board, or a kit of necklace beads with no partitioned case, or a handful of sand with no sensory table.

These little dolls are a Kirby vacuum salesperson’s dream – they are lost or left everywhere and virtually impossible to organize.

I have yet to find a parent to successfully explain how the plastic housing that the dolls are wrapped in can be redeployed as a showcase for the pencil eraser-sized shoes my daughter finds frustrating to afix to her new, thumb-sized plastic doll.

Lost L.O.L. Doll pieces are magnets to carpet and couch cushions.

Lots of Look-alikes

In the most ingenious move in profit-making history, the makers of L.O.L. Dolls have made it impossible to determine if the dolls that Santa dropped off on December 25th will match the one you’ll buy for a birthday a few weeks later.

If my daughter is lucky, she’ll get a new dolls and be blissfully surprised – as intended. More times than not, though, she opens THE SAME EXACT doll and accessories as her last one.

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This year at Christmas, we bought two L.O.L. Surprise! Doll gifts and only one was unique to (what can still be found of) my daughter’s collection.

In Clark Griswold fashion, the only thing that would be more surprising than getting multiple, unique, non-repetitive L.O.L. Dolls is “waking up with my head sown to the carpet.”

This may come across as Ba-Humbug, as sour grapes for my spoiled littles ones after a long holiday season.

Don’t misunderstand – I do love Christmas.

I fully embrace that gifts are not about utility, function, or longevity, but about the feeling our kids covet from the magic of the season.

Giving my younger children meaningless toys, in fact, is a welcome change from the phones and video games that dominate my older kids’ stockings and wish-lists.

And, while I complain now, I know that I’ll soon miss my kids’ shock when they unwrap something they’ve wanted but thought was out-of-reach.

Yeah, eventually I will miss my little girl’s surprise on Christmas mornings. I will not, though, EVER miss the L.O.L. Surprise! Dolls that create more garbage, broken vacuums, and bruised heels than post-Christmas smiles.