The Four Classes of Concert-Dad-Nuts

My daughter’s first grade choir concert on Tuesday was entitled “We’re nuts!”

Although aptly named for the squirrel and nut-themed songs, the title may have been a more accurate description of most parents watching.

I saw four classifications of proud, supportive, concert-dad-nuts.  All of these nut classifications fit nicely within the definition of a Good-Bad Dad.

Concert-Dad-Nut #1: The Kid Juggler

You will find me here – standing near the back of the room.  I’d be holding my 6 month-old daughter while corralling my ants-in-his-pants 3 year-old.

The mission of my fellow dads in this category is simple: to keeping our contribution to the audience quiet.  The clear second priority is listening to the chorus of first graders.

The good news for me was that I was not alone.  I was able to calm my fears of taking two little kids to an event that requires quiet by looking across the room to see other Kid Jugglers just like me.

My nod as another Kid Juggler’s infant screamed is a sign of respect and brotherhood.

Concert-Dad-Nut #2: The Overly Enthusiastic Late-Arriver

Several dads were between 15 and 30 minutes late to the opening curtain.  My stake-out of these GBD’s revealed several key similarities with each:

  1. Their stealth-like, seamless entrance designed to draw no attention to their late arrival.
  2. The disheveled, hurried, eye-roll they give their spouse when sliding into their seat – universally met by the spouse’s look of discontent after hearing what I assumed to be a lame excuse for being so late.
  3. The vivaciousness with which they cheered their little song bird at any opportunity – most likely to make up for their missing the first few numbers.

Concert-Dad-Nut #3: The Excuse Me, Pardon Me Guy

As a standing Kid Juggler, I found particular disdain for the Excuse Me, Pardon Me Guy.

This category of dad is easy to pick out.  With phone in hand, they think nothing of obstructing your view to enhance their own.

At the beginning of the concert, these GBD’s are generally polite – crouching down to subtly acknowledge they were beaten to the better picture angle by those who arrived earlier.

By the end of the show, however, there is no limit to their attempts at salvaging a better photo of their little performer at the cost of others.

Blocking the view of parents who rightfully had claimed the spot before is a small price to pay for the perfect candid concert shot destined for Facebook gold.

Concert-Dad-Nut #4: The Constant Waver

The music teacher at my daughter’s school tried to head these dads off right away – starting the concert by asking all of the kids to wave to their parents.

That direction might have been better served in reverse – by asking the parents to wave once and for all to their little vocalist.

The perpetual waving from the crowd was both distracting and entertaining.  I caught myself frequently laughing at the Constant Wavers – the guys who would try to catch their child’s attention at any opportunity.

I came away thinking that the Constant Waver was really a more passive Excuse Me, Pardon Me type.  I’m guessing that this profile of dad will interpret their kid’s lack of reciprocal waving from the stage as an excuse to develop the chops to become an Excuse Me, Pardon Me Guy next year.

It turns out that the theme of the concert was perfect – we are nuts.  We’ve gone nuts for our kids – no matter the classification.


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