My patience was waning but retired NFL star Ronde Barber was unfazed as, one by one, adoring fans approached our table at lunch. The fans were all unique but used the same opening question, “You’re Ronde Barber, right?”
Barber’s reply was as predictable, “That’s me. How are you?”
His smile beamed as brightly as the sun overhead as he first greeted an older gentleman seeking an autograph.
That same smile welcomed the next fan – a young lady, who spelled her son’s name as Barber wrote a quick, handwritten note for him.
Her son’s name is Mason – and Ronde confirmed its spelling as he handed the tattered, white index card back, saying, “Tell him I said ‘Hi’.”
I bet Barber made that family’s day – the chat he and I had afterward, certainly made mine.
Success was never a question.
Ronde Barber will hold a place in any Pro Football record book for the rest of time – the stats don’t lie.
- Barber is the only player in the history of the NFL to have 25+ sacks and 45+ interceptions.
- From 1999 to 2012, Barber started 215 games, the most of any defensive back in the history of the NFL.
- Barber holds the Buccaneers’ franchise records for single season and career interceptions, most starts and games played, and most non-offensive touchdowns.
- In 2018, Barber was a Semi-Finalist in voting for the National Football League Hall of Fame – in his first year of eligibility.
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And, as striking as these gaudy achievements are, Barber admits that he doesn’t have the secret anecdote for being successful.
“People ask me all the time: ‘What makes you successful?'”
He grins, sips his iced tea and continues, “It sounds cocky, I don’t mean to be. I knew I’d be a success. I just did. There was not another option. I thought that way running track in high school, at class, at Virginia and in the NFL.”
Barber was rather matter-of-fact as he continued, “Self-doubt is a killer – an absolute killer.”
Little did Ronde Barber know, he was being interviewed by a serial self-doubter and listening to him immediately worried me. After all, I’m filled with regret and, at times, pessimistic about what the future may hold for my kids because of that fact.
Worrying is my job as a dad, right?
Why not, as Ronde Barber did, focus our kids less on an activity and more on developing a deep-seeded, internalized belief in their ability to make good.
In doing so, our children are self-assured, not cocky. They expect success so much that achieving it becomes a given.
My preparation was too dialed-in to be nervous.
Nearly 20 minutes into our conversation, I asked Barber about getting through nerves.
Taking a tortilla chip from the basket, Barber laughed, “Nope. I was never nervous. Never.”
I didn’t believe it, “Come on. What about the Super Bowl?”
“Never. I can almost hear Ron Marinelli’s voice right now. He’d have us redo the same drills, same techniques, over and over and over again. I’m telling you – I was never nervous because I knew how much I had prepared. Like, I probably back-peddled ten-thousand times in practice. Maybe more. So, why would doing that same thing in a Super Bowl be different?”
Barber continued, now sitting back, “I prepare like crazy to this day – for broadcasts, for public speaking gigs. I may not love to naturally do that stuff but, I’ll work at it until I get it. After that point, I’m good.”
As Ronde Barber goes on, I’m terrified at the thought of my kids’ ability to independently prepare – for anything. In fact, I immediately think of the prior Saturday when Yosef, my sixth-grader, was late for flag football simply because he lost track of time.
I next think of the concept of repetition and the idea that confidence on the field or in the classroom is linked to doing the little things over and over and over again. The reality is that preparation can be boring – both for the parents and the participants.
Lynden, age 10, should be using his multiplication flash cards everyday.
Everett, my 5 year-old, should be writing the alphabet each night.
Yosef could stand to work more on his juggling skills to improve his ball skills on the soccer pitch.
I’m left thinking that I have so much work to do. As importantly, so do my kids.
It all starts with doing your job.
In some ways, Ronde Barber’s notoriety comes from being part of a team – whether that be with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers or alongside of his twin brother, Tiki of New York Giants NFL fame.
So, I was surprised when Barber spoke about a very simple lesson that NFL players come to quickly realize – you must do your job and let others do theirs.
“I don’t care if it is the NFL or at the office or when I talk to my kids, so much comes down to being the best version of you. Be great at what you’re supposed to know. Everything becomes very simple when everyone understands that and trusts each other.”
“Watch Tiger or Jordan or Kobe – whomever. They were absolutely focused on being the best at each piece of their craft. At times, they lose – some days, they aren’t the greatest. But, then, they let it go, refocus and go back to work.” Barber continued, “If you’re being your own best, doing the job you should be doing at a high level, nothing can get in your way in the end. It takes grinding, reps and unflappable concentration.”
I didn’t have to assume a parenting lesson here – Ronde talked about helping his daughters find their own, personal “bests.”
“My youngest daughter plays lacrosse and her traveling season will start in a few weeks. I want her to be at her best – so much it kills me. But, it’s up to her to have the desire to get there. It’s not for me to say – or push her. I won’t insist that she starts to get ready. It’s her best – not mine. I wish more parents would recognize that.”
I nodded and thought about times where I’d pushed my own agenda with my sports-loving kids. I tried to quickly remember times where I watched my kids perform – on stage or the balance beam or on the ball diamond – and knew they were at their best.
In searching my memory bank, I suddenly realized that it was tough for me to assess when or if my kids were at their best. After all, I don’t much ask them when they feel best on the field.
I’m too busy correcting them, talking about the other team’s obnoxious parents or another classmate that has the voice of an angel.
“Excuse me, guys. You’re Ronde Barber, right?” My introspection ended as the restaurant’s manager stood at the end of our table.
Again – queue Barber’s beaming smile, out-stretched hand and polite greeting.
“Can we get a picture for our Wall of Fame?”
Barber and I nodded at each other, silently giving ourselves the “it’s okay to end the interview” look.
Our time was ending but our conversation will stick with me for a while.
I want my kids to be as self-assured without a shred of cockiness – the kind of self-awareness that invites people in like Ronde Barber does.
My children should prepare relentlessly – understanding the need to do the mundane stuff over and over again so that they can do their job flawlessly like Ronde Barber did for 16 years in Tampa Bay.
I sincerely hope that my kids find their own, personal best self through experiences I can help provide – the same “best” that Barber looks for in his family.
When my kids become the best – at whatever that is – I’ll beam with pride.
I’ll hold out hope that they can make five stranger’s day – just like Ronde Barber did the day we met for lunch.
